Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Don't Sit Next To That Family - Vaca Part 1

Every year Luke's family makes a trek back to the homeland. This would not be Israel, but rather Kansas. We all pack up and head to his family's farm, where we hang out all day relaxing merely waiting for the yard light to come on...Once the yard light comes on, the drinking may commence. This is a good time and a super easy vacation...What I should have said was this historically was an easy vacation. Enter 2 small terrorists boys, the word easy or relaxing is no longer found in any phrase containing the word vacation. In order for me to wrap my type A brain around packing all the items we might need, I must make lists...many lists. Then the packing turns out to look something like this:

Each day for each kid...labeled and packed
You see forgetting any one item could be detrimental to everyone's good time and may delay my drinking, which is unforgivable. As we walk through the airport, I watch many shutter at the thought that they may perhaps be sitting near us on a plane. It is clear to everyone that these two boys will be kicking the seats in front of them, sneezing without covering their mouths, throwing goldfish, and screaming for most of take off and landing. But to even my surprise they were both really good for most of the flights. This probably led to all around us thinking that I had medicated my kids. Which is completely untrue because in reality I enjoy watching others suffer the way I do at times!

Jackson sitting quietly in his seat...ready to launch this book at any moment
This was however a learning experience for me...First, tell me what makes flight attendants think that giving a 2 year old wings with a sharp pin is a good idea. "Oh here are some wings for his flight, put them in his scrapbook." Thanks they won't be making it his scrapbook, but the back of the lady's head in front of us is looking good. Secondly,  don't even think of changing your childs diaper on the plane. You see, Delta Airlines equips their multimillion dollar planes with one changing table in one of the bathrooms. But don't ask the flight attendants which bathroom that might be because they have no idea. When asked they will just offer you peanuts and ask you to put your seatbelt back on...screw off lady my kid has just had a blowout and I need to get to a flat surface immediately in order to contain this potential disaster. So once I find the appropriate bathroom, I wait in line. Seriously, if you see someone standing on a plane with a 5 month old and a barrel of wipes, use some self control and let them go next for everyones safety. Once in the bathroom I pull down the changing table balance beam. I put my already rolly baby on there and try to get him undressed without a major trauma. Plane of course hits air pocket and I nearly fall out of bathroom door...but all in all we survive. As I come out I get a few dirty looks from other passengers like what was I doing in there for so long...potty training my 5 month old is really going well! Next I learned that the second you get your over tired child asleep the flight attendant will start yelling 7 minutes worth of announcements...honestly who does not know they will be coming down the aisle with the beverage cart and you can purchase beer, wine and alcohol? Of course these announcements are at ear piercing decibels which cause your just slumbering child to bounce up.

Thanks for flying the friendly skies, yes my seat is in the upright position. As we got off the plane, Jackson announced that he had been peeing a lot!
We make it Kansas...Yes Dorothy greeted us at the airport. And amazingly all of our bags make it. I may have just started crying right there if our bags went to Arizona.
 We go to leave the airport and are immediately slapped with the change in climate...hey its Fall in other places in America. When we left Florida the temperature was close to 90. And on arrival to Oz the temperature was a balmy 48. We are used to humidity somewhere around 80% and my skin likes it that way. Kansas seems to be the windiest place on earth and humidity only comes in the form of cold, driving rain. So you can see why I would need so many items for two small people. I myself could have packed one pair of drinking shoes and been happy with the clothes on my back for 4 days.
We finally make it to the be continued...

1 comment:

  1. You are too funny! Love reading your blog...XoXo