Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Boys on a Plane...Vacation Part 1

Click your tractor tires, we are heading to Oz

Each year Luke likes to take an organized trip back to Kansas to visit Oz. This trek has lovingly been named Burnfest, for the bonfire that smolders each year. This year was Burnfest 5...aka Suburb Boys Eat Dirt. Luke looks forward to this trip all year and he generally makes all the begins the problems. You see I usually make plane/car rental/hotel arrangements and Luke pays! We will get to the travel troubles later...first let's review the preparation that mothers make for travel with 2 small inmates boys.
1-2 weeks before our trip I start checking the weather and looking at the boys clothes to make sure they have the proper attire - I did mention we were going to a farm right? They are Florida boys so they don't have tons of pants or jackets.
Then a few days before we leave I get out all of their clothes and arrange them in order by day. Finally the night before we leave I pack; only after I have checked the weather one last time.  I download a few episodes of "their" shows, that are new to them. I pack:  snacks - many snacks, books, activities, diapers/wipes, oops I pooped my pants clothes, blankets and blankies; the list is endless really. Then I attempt to throw a few items in a bag for myself. During all of this I look up from my pile of plane activities and little boy clothes to see Luke sitting on the bathroom floor. I thought this was really odd. I silently walked a little closer, then I realize that he was merrily cleaning out from under his bathroom sink...Are YOU kidding ME?!!! I have been planning and packing for days only to have a single pair of underwear packed for myself and he has time for some reorganizing of his cabinets. I didn't say a word - I tucked that away for a later time when I will use it against him - seriously I am a woman!
The next morning I get up 45 minutes before everyone to ready myself and get any last minute items packed. I run downstairs, cook a couple things for the kids to eat on the plane. Then I wake Luke. I wake Jackson and get him dressed. I wake Luke again. I get Blake up and change his diaper. I wake Luke again...apparently he's super tired from all his cabinet cleaning.
We get to airport, head to security where we encounter our first travel snafu...Blake is a lap sit infant (I know he's 38 pounds, but he's still only 18 months old) but our tickets do not say that. We can't go through security - because apparently after a 9 year old boards a plane without a ticket they get serious about an 18 month old causing a security breach. So I run back to ticket counter where I was informed that the tickets were not booked to include Blake...grrrrrrr!; they graciously added him and this crisis was averted...for now.
As we reach our gate, everyone in the terminal is staring at us, praying we will not be on their plane or sitting near them. Blake is running up and down the terminal, and Jackson is letting out whale cries at the top of his lungs. We board. Once on the plane the lovely and clearly childless flight attendant offers my 2 cage fighters wings...the pin-on wings. I decline for them, trying to avoid the obvious stabbing that would ensue.
This is prior to the Dirty Look Brigade

We get situated in our seats and I begin to hand out snacks...Luke says he would really enjoy a snack too because he is hungry. He got the first dirty look of the day and no snack.
Here's a secret dirty look
Then we get down to the business of child entertainment. I have Jackson stringing beads to make a necklace and Blake is happily putting stickers all over himself. I catch a glimpse of Luke out of the corner of my eye and he is dozing off. I punch him and threaten his life.

stickers are a great distractor...get a bunch at dollar store

Jackson made a necklace...We may or may not have left 300 beads on the floor!
I somehow got the pleasure of sharing my seat and Jackson's seat with Blake. Luke has his armrest down and is enjoying some beverage that has been passed to him along with a Delta snack. I am cleaning up the 5,000 raisins that Jackson spilled in my crotch. Oh, and stopping Blake from putting the tray table up and down 500 times - Delta hates me....why can't the guy who made prescription bottles make tray tables?!
The plane lands and we need to change planes. Luke informs me that we have 35 minutes in the Atlanta airport with the terrorists to change planes...Seriously we are in row 30! So basically I will yet again not be getting to the bathroom. Good thing I haven't had anything to eat or drink. As we quickly make our way to the next gate, Blake falls asleep - perfect he naps while in the airport when he could be running.
The little angel sleeps in between our 2 flights...ugh!
Once on the next flight, the dance once again begins...I attempt to create silence and Luke is looking for  sustenance and relaxation...I privately stare at him and silently hurt him. The boys who generally favor their father when we have wide open spaces and no noise prohibition, now both want to be in my lap  screaming words that are incomprehensible. Luke has all the air vents pointing at him and my alligator arms do not reach the vents without standing. I am sweating.
We land...head to baggage claim. Luke and Jackson go for rental car. I figure Blake and I can easily get the bags. Blake thinks the baggage claim round-a-bout is super fun. He is continuously trying to climb on it. And all I can picture is his arm getting chopped off in the corner sections. At this point some generous Mid-westerner gives us a luggage cart, I hate her. Blake is all over this gift. He climbs in and out...all the while laying on the ground. I cringe. But I do not stop him...mother of the year has once again not gone my way.
Luke (40 minutes later) finally arrives with the car...I think he stopped for a drink before returning. We get kids and bags in. They both pass out...really!!!
We have dinner plans with my oldest and dearest friend. I seriously never have plans. We head to hotel and 30 minutes later they are both ready to rumble...Naps are for wimps!
We head to dinner, I'm prepared for a disaster. I order one large water no ice; one extra large margarita with the brand of tequila that will not make me angry or terribly hung over....I had a wonderful visit with a dear friend...The boys live without me knowing exactly what happened to them. But I am sure they on had the proper clothes!
Who is prettier than her?! 
The next morning we head to Luke's farm...its a bit of a drive. I ask him to please stop for coffee. I want either Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts; I don't care that I am a coffee snob. I like what I like! We get 2 exits out of civilization and I see tumble weeds...
Do you see coffee anywhere in sight? 
I ask for coffee and he feigns ignorance. I threaten that without coffee I will immediately commence drinking once we stop - its 8 am! He finds a McDonalds - this is middle America, McDonald's is never far away! I get a McCafe and I have to say....Its DELIGHTFUL!
Try a McCafe...You will Like, I promise

We arrive at farm...I begin drinking at 10 am!....To Be Continued...

I will finish this story once I get some more wine, travel with kids is super easy - no mother has ever said!....Sharron

1 comment:

  1. Love this! I want to go with you next year...XoXo