What happened to my Girl's Night Out?

How my GNO used to look...

Over the years I have greatly enjoyed my Girl's Night Out (GNO) adventures.  Frequently a meal is involved, but omnipresent are wine, gossip and laughter. Oh and generally someone screaming, "Take my picture!" Even after marriage I maintained my GNO at least monthly...I fully believe that everyone deserves a little time of their own and honestly Luke does not care to discuss my emotions on last weeks Real Housewives of Orange County. But don't let him fool you, he sits himself down for some Kardashians regularly!
So with the arrival of all the men in my world...GNO has become even more important, I have to wash the testosterone off every once in awhile. The conversations and locations of GNO can vacillate greatly depending on the women I am with; some are new moms, some are moms of older kids, some never want kids and some are trying. (I can promise you the women who don't have kids don't really care about how many times your baby spit up today, because I don't care and I am a mom.) But what never changes is the fact that I am away from my boys just long enough for bedlam to visit my house. I'm not really sure what happens and frankly I'm not sure I want to know. I always return to the frat house after the keg party.

What I now come home to...

Over exaggerating you say? Oh nay nay do not allow yourself to be fooled by the cherubic faces...I assure you just one of these preschool boys can bring you to your knees in moments. Just last week I ventured out for some much deserved girl time. I haven't really left my husband alone much with both boys yet. Luke's good, but both inmates and bedtime is a lot to manage. We usually tackle dinner, baths and bedtime together...and when I say "we", I'm talking about Luke, me and Mark West...

perhaps you've met!

So after about an hour away from The Evans Home for Boys, I received this series of texts from my husband....

1.  "Blake pooped!!"

2.  "He was sitting on my lap" Then I got this picture text...

Luke's shorts with baby poop on them

3.  "Jackson just peed on the floor"

These texts are supposed to get me a running' back to our abode?! Apparently Luke does not feel the boys need to wear diapers while I am gone. I mean seriously there is no other logical explanation for this series of unfortunate accidents. And then I ask you...why is he texting me and not just cleaning it up...why oh why do I need to know this? When I am out with the girls please only call/text if someone is bleeding and you are calling 911...Also, let me know the minute you call 911 because it will take the taxicab awhile to arrive and get me to the hospital. 

But perhaps you think that this was one, out of the ordinary night. Again, I say walk a mile in my heels and yoga pants. But if you need a few more pieces of evidence of how things go to hell in hand basket the minute my car shifts into drive, I'll provide you with the photographic evidence you so crave. 

eating with his feet

with a diaper this full, no wonder he pees on the floor

proof that the diapers come off

and a bag of cookies...just what every toddler should have

riding 4 wheeler in house - Thank goodness he's got the helmet

I think I have set the record straight...So the next time you see me enjoying me GNO, please send me a glass of wine. Because you are now privy to what I will be returning home to find! And really how can I have it any better...my husband sends me out for girls night knowing he will be left alone with these characters...