Friday, July 6, 2012

BabyFat...not BabyPhat

Here is Jessica Alba 2 weeks after having her second child...REALLY?! I don't think that if I were to meet her I would like her. There is something evil behind that beautiful girl next door face...I'm just thankful she isn't the girl next door to me. 

I have been known to let out a blood curdling scream when I catch a glimpse of myself naked in the mirror these days. Luke is so good, he always says "Remember, you just had a baby." I really think he is reminding himself of that. And of course I know I just had a baby, remember I was unable to drink wine for 9 months. But now that the baby has been evicted does it have to look like buckshot sprayed my ass? Pregnancy changes your body...seriously who doesn't know this? But now I'm ready for this change to be over. Yes I had a baby 2 years ago and I should know that these things take time...but I'm ready to wear that entire closet worth of clothes that I can't fit into...I don't want to buy new clothes because that is admitting defeat and I don't need maternity clothes. Because, by the way, I'm NOT pregnant anymore! They need to make half sizes of pregnant your not pregnant but you still have that Sponge Bob Square Shape.

Who told me to gain 45 pounds during pregnancy? Yes I had a 9 pound baby but that doesn't account for the tray of cookies I ate everyday. I mean seriously the medical books say a healthy weight gain is 25-35 pounds...they can suck it! Blake is 2 months old and I need to lose 20 pounds. This is not some a plea for my friends to write how great I look...You're my friends, you have to say these things. So once cleared to exercise after my Csection I decided to embark on some competitive dieting with friends...none of whom have as much weight to loose as I do. I really felt like I was the one to beat! I started working out again and eating right...4 pounds that is all I have lost. My mom, who probably has a Hershey's bar in her purse right now, has lost 8 pounds...seriously!

Time management is my biggest challenge right now. I got on the stair master the other day for 11 minutes, that is about the time Blake started wailing! So I could put him in the baby bjorn and use the stair master. I'm seriously afraid though, that one of my neighbors will look in the window and think I'm crazier than they already figured me to be. And I don't suppose the wine and walk that I do in the evenings while Jackson rides his 4 wheeler though the neighborhood counts as real cardio. So my workouts will have to happen before the boys wake up. That means I have to be up and working out by 5 am. And with Blake still waking up in the night that puts me waking at 3 am to feed him and then up at 5 am to run. I choose sleep...The regular workouts will have to wait for now. I may just ascribe myself to the workout regimen of my sister in law. She puts on workout clothes in the morning and if she doesn't make it to the gym she still feels like she got a workout in - Genius!

And on top of it all, 2 weeks after the dieting began I went back to about having too many balls in the air. Would it be weird if I wore ankle weights at work? I do walk a lot through out the day and I always wear long pants...maybe no one will notice. I will have to remember to take them off before going into the MRI room, that could make for a real catastrophe! I would definitely end up in Administration explaining how the MRI is broken thanks to my flying ankle weights.
Do I really have to be able to do it all? I suppose fitness modeling is out for this season! I apparently will be keeping these saddle bags that I packed on so we have extra storage when traveling! Talk about being a committed mother, I have given up my physique so we don't have to pay baggage fees when we fly. Speaking of flying, I can do that too...with the flab on my arms. Did I mention it is bathing suit and shorts season and I live in South Florida? Hey everyone let's get in the pool, I will be wearing my burqa.
So many of my girlfriends complain about the same thing. And in reality I guess we are just too hard on ourselves. Logically, I am aware that this too shall pass and my body will get back to its usual shape. But it takes a minute to wrap my brain around that.
So the next time you see me wearing this lovely kitty on my butt...know that I am no longer BabyFat, I'm just plain old BabyPhat!

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